Guilt. I hear about it all the time. Guilt is like an obnoxious neighbor that you wish would just move away, but is there spying on you from the window next door, catching you at an uncomfortably vulnerable moment.
I am guessing that since you were young, you had a sense of your special gifts, but for a variety of reasons, you’ve held back. Maybe you were scared of outshining others; maybe your brilliance made some people resentful; maybe it seemed the world didn’t appreciate, need or want what you uniquely had to offer. Maybe it has been so long that you’ve shared these special gifts, you wonder if they are even still there.
Recently I have realized, that to truly enjoy my life, I have to embrace my inner nerd. I resist doing things that seem “nerdy” or “dorky.” But I recognize now that when I label my actions as nerdy, I am sabotaging myself. Another part of me, which I also often repress, wants to break the rules, yearns for adventure, and enjoys pushing the limits of what’s comfortable. When I repress this inner rebel, she lashes out at my attempts at good self care with judgments like as “you are such a dork!” So I find that in order to embrace my inner nerd, I have to let my inner rebel loose too.